Imposter Syndrome: When will it feel like "my" chair?

Five nights a week, you can find me in the same place. Sitting in a rolling chair, behind a large desk, hair done and more make-up than I care to wear, sharing the news with my hometown community. 

I've been in this chair for nearly 6 months. 

This is Siouxland News at 10... with Katie Copple... 

It still sounds so... fake. 

Maybe that isn't the right word. What I am trying to say is, the chair, the title, doesn't feel like mine yet. 

If you scroll back in this blog, you'll see a post I published months ago about finally saying "yes" to my News Director and taking a seat at the anchor desk. When I said yes to anchor training, I never thought I'd end up signing a contract just a few months later. A contract for evening news anchor nonetheless! I thought I'd just fill in when needed. 

But, as usual, my News Director is just too good at her job. She sees things in her team that they can't always see in themselves. I'm a prime example of her ability to bring out the best in her team. 

She saw me as an anchor from the start. I still fail to see myself in a role that I've been in for 6 months. 

Imposter syndrome is real, y'all. 

​Harvard Business Review defines Imposter Syndrome as doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud. Many question whether they’re deserving of accolades. That's me. That's what is in my brain. How am I qualified to sit in the chair every evening, next to a seasoned and beloved anchor, and deliver the news? What gives me the right to say I 've earned that spot? 

I trust my News Director. I know she wouldn't have put me in this spot had I not been ready. 

But that doesn't change the little voice inside my head. 

Several days ago, the female evening anchors from the market were all together for the first time. We've all been friends, seeing each other at events or for coffee, but this was the first time all four of us were in the same place at the same time. 

We had to snap a photo! 

Standing next to these talented, beautiful women. I feel like a fraud. 

I love them dearly, but how do I compare to their talent, their poise, their radiating brilliance? 

Stella Daskalakis (KTIV), Me (KPTH), Diana Castillo (KPTH), Sophie Erber (KCAU). All four female evening news anchors together at last!

I don't feel like I do. 

Imposter Syndrome... ​

I've really been struggling with this lately. Each night when I walk to the desk and sit down, adjust my IFB and microphone and log into the iPad... it almost feels like an out-of-body experience. When I hear from friends, family, colleagues or community members about how they enjoy watching me each night or how proud they are of what I've accomplished, I have to bite my tongue to keep from saying, "are you sure you mean me?"

How do I beat this? Will I ever overcome this feeling? 

I'm not sure...

But what I do know, is that I am not alone. There are countless others in news and in other industries too vast to name who also feel like they are in a place they don't deserve to be in. It's a daily battle with your brain. 

For me, I'm going to continue doing what I am doing. Anchoring the news each night. I really, REALLY do love it! More than I ever thought I would! And I also feel incredibly blessed to be able to bring the news to my hometown each evening. I'm just patiently waiting for the day that little rolling chair will start to feel like my own. 

Until then...